This post I came across on Instagram got me thinking about what I think is emotional constipation.
Everybody says I am a workaholic, and I find that it is abnormal that when my time is suddenly freed up of meetings or workload, there are times I suddenly feel lost or that the rug was suddenly pulled out from under me... is this the reason why? Have I been using work as a clutch to fill in the void of love and self-worth? Do I feel safe so long as I am productively achieving goals?
Is this sense of independence of not needing anyone or choosing not to connect so as not to be hurt a way to self-regulate, a coping mechanism?
This resonates so much in me because of the childhood trauma of hearing "why are you so incompetent?" which pushes me to try harder to become better and opening the idea that I am not enough as I am.
My worth is not earned.
I am enough.
I am loved.
I am enough as me.
I don't need to meet expectations other than my own. At the end of the day, I don't have to be strong or to achieve. I can be soft and be accepted for all my flaws and scars. It's ok.
