I never thought doing something so familiar could be profound and though-provoking. Soon as I showered, I chose an empty "lane" and I jumped right in to start on my laps. No preliminaries.
My initial thought was "oh my, this is an olympic-sized pool and the end is so far... what if I can't finish one lap?". The idea of quitting before I even started was not an option, so I continued my strokes and kept the end of the lane in sight. Soon I could feel the muscles in my legs stretch and contract, pumping blood, increasing my pulse rate, adjusting my breathing comfortably in time with my strokes. Eventually I got to the end of the first lap and started back.
My next thought was that this is how I attack each project in my life - I decide that I want to do it, and with no preliminaries, I jump right in and I just keep on swimming. I just keep on breathing. I keep my head above the water.
On my sixth lap, I was rattled by fellow swimmers who were faster than me, swimming very close to my lane. They seemed like sharks intimidating this gentle "butanding" (whale shark). I know that they were minding their own business, but I was afraid of bumping into them or being run over. One guy even hit my right leg with his arm, albeit unintentionally, but I panicked and swam a bit faster...
I just kept on swimming and continued with this conversation with myself... "keep your head above the water, concentrate on your breathing, maintain your pace" - my mantra was intended for my self-preservation.
When I reached the end of the lap, I spoke to one of these "sharks" and asked whether I should stay on the "line" or on the "space" and in a deep baritone he answered "I think you can swim anywhere..." and flashed me a killer smile. I noticed that most of the guys swimming around me had shaved heads. Is this for improved fluid dynamics, perhaps? A mystery not meant to be solved that night, because butandings don't associate with sharks.
On my eighth lap, I noticed that my goggles were fogging. I couldn't see clearly. The lights were also dimming or flashing. Again, I felt myself panicking to reach the end of the lane where I can feel my feet touch the bottom of the pool. I converted to a freestyle instead of my usual breaststroke and soon my hands and feet were numb, and I felt I wasn't getting enough air into my lungs... so I slowed down and floated and just concentrated on my breathing. I really have to work on my pacing. I just need to maintain my direction, believe that I am going in the right direction even if I don't see it - eventually I will still reach my destination.
At the end of my 10 laps, I felt fulfilled, patting myself on the back "good job, you swam 1 km... no sweat!" and so maybe I'll do it again and find that while having this inner conversation with myself while doing something mechanical, I come to a few conclusions and a few self-lessons:
- If you want to do something, you jump right in and do it!
- To reach the end of the lane and finish the lap, you have to keep on swimming.
- Focus on what you are doing. Do not be distracted by anyone or anything happening around you. Stay on your lane, and maintain your direction.
- Keep your head above the water and concentrate on your breathing. This will keep you alive.
- Know the limitations of your body. Know when to stop for the day to able to come back another day.
I am Dr. Helen Madamba, gentle "butanding" este swimmer.
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