Love from Afar

I wish I could let you know...

...that I think highly of you and hold you dear
...that I speak fondly of you when with friends
...that I keep you close to my heart even when we're almost always apart
...that I pray every night that you be safe as you travel the world
...that I send my kisses thru the wind and warm hugs thru the moonlight
...that I caress your face with the gentlest touch of the breeze as you gaze across the horizon
...that I have begun to view the world through the lenses of your eyes and your photographs
...that I long for the day when you would realize that I am here waiting for you to have time to take that vacation at the beach with me as we planned
...that I am too old for unrequited love, too serious for a casual fling, too mature to think that I can find romantic love, too fat to defy the laws of attraction
...that despite the many hours I pour into my work, it is during these quiet hours past midnight when I remember the things I regret by not taking the chance with you
...that tears run down my face each time I wake up in the morning realizing everything was just a dream, and I am just a friend, that you don't return my feelings
...that these feelings I have for you will never be expressed
...that I can never make myself vulnerable for a rejection, which would leave me helpless and hurt

So I write this here, and I will keep on wishing that somehow you would realize that I am someone who loves you from afar...

Cast your nets into the deep

Once a year I come home to observe solemn activities during holy week and to be with family to spend quality time with my brothers and their children.

Attending mass in the same parish church where I grew up and served, I realized much is still the same. The familiar faces just look older. I am older. We meet the new generation of church-goers.

I realized that I've gone a long way from reading the liturgy, leading responsorial psalms and singing with the choir.  Much like Msgr Venus mentioned in the sermon about casting nets out of your comfort zone and into the deep, so have I cast nets to become a fisher of men.  I am a public servant.

I have been so caught up with hospital work, improving systems, creating opportunities for the youth and pushing forth all the advocacies I believe are important, I've forgotten how emotional I can get when celebrating the eucharist. I have been blessed with the gift of tongues and the gift of tears.  I felt that the messages in the sermon and the songs sung by the choir were specially for me.

1.  Jesus washed the feet of the twelve disciples, including Judas, who betrayed him.  Jesus does not give up on anyone.

2.  Jesus who was teacher and master, washed the feet of his disciples.  To follow God's example, we must be humble enough to love without limits, serve without conditions and to care without expectations.

3.  Jesus asked Peter to cast out his nets despite a whole night of fishing without catching anything.  God wants us to have personal relationship with us, risking the dangers and fears of the deep, away from our comfort zone.

4.  The darkest place in hell when people are neutral in times of moral crisis.  We must take a stand and decide to fight for what we believe in.

5. Like the Good Shepherd, we should rejoice all the more for one sinner who has returned and repented, than 99 who were not in need of conversion.

Share Your Blessings

Mary Grace, our favorite scholars always says "Rice is LIFE!"

Yesterday, we attended the recognition ceremonies of the Cebu City Taskforce on Streetchildren (CCTFSC) at the MCWD Conference Room. There was much emotion among the houseparents and staff of the member NGOs as their wards marched up the stage to be recognized.  Jacob Koshy, executive director of the CCTFSC, aptly expressed it simply as "your achievements are our achievements" - a testament of how children cared for by NGOs are prevented from becoming streetchildren or children in contact with the law because they stayed in school.

Going back to rice, it is my custom to treat graduating scholars to a celebratory meal. So they put away their packed lunch to bring home to their families and we walked to the restaurant.  I am amazed that they prefer Mang Inasal to eat-all-you-can buffets because for them "rice is life".  All they need is a little meat, a lot of seasoning (special mention the chicken oil) and they are happy with their unlimited rice chicken meal.

I was a bit surprised when I saw my seatmate Maricel insert a still-big portion of her roast chicken into her packed meal.  Looking at her plate, it was cleaned out. This was someone who had asked for at least two refills of steamed rice.  She had eaten a lot of rice, but only sparingly touched the chicken.  I asked her about it, and she said that she was saving the food for her mother who would be able to ration food until dinner the next day.  Looking around, most of the scholars did the same.

This reminded me of my grandmother's story long ago about a boy at a feeding program at Balay Bata Daycare Center.  He did not touch his food while others ate, but simply held onto his meal. My lola asked him why he was not eating.  Did he not like the food? Did he not have an appetite? Was he not hungry?

The little boy calmly answered that he had little brothers and sisters at home who did not have food to eat, who were even hungrier than he was, so he would bring the food home with him to share with his family. At such a young age, this little boy had EQ to wait until he could share his food with his family - such bravery and generosity of heart.

Looking around our graduates in that Mang Inasal restaurant, I realize that after all these years not much has changed.  These kids still bring food home to share with their families.  Hence, to reward academic excellence, we decided to buy 5-kilo rice sacks for distribution during our Moving Up and Recognition Ceremonies this afternoon at the Cebu City Social Hall.  I'm sure the mothers will appreciate the Ganador Rice and encourage their children to study hard to excel in school.

Summer Camp in Badian

Many things can wait, the child cannot. 

Today marks the first time that I attended the meeting of the Cebu City Taskforce on Streetchildren, representing The Share A Child Movement, Inc not as a little girl accompanying Lola Sising or Auntie Nina anymore, but as the Executive Director.

I am amazed to remember all those memories of long ago rushing back like deja vu, sitting obediently beside Lola Sising patiently waiting for their meeting to end so that we can eat halo-halo at a restaurant along Capitol Site before heading back to the house in N Bacalso.

For years, Share A Child has been part of this taskforce, which is now composed of 22 child-focused NGO members.  I can still recall the very first time in the 1990s when I attended the Summer Camp as a participant.  I was an odd child out because I did not look the part of a streetchild or scholar, nor did I behave like the other kids. The facilitators were afraid that I was too "delicate" to participate in the rough games.

Scout Damaso had his boy scouts and girls scouts to lead the different teams of boys/girls of mixed agencies.  We would learn our yells, scamper into formation, suffer squats as punishment and enjoy games with other teams.

Coming from a middle income family, immersion among children who barely had food to eat was a memorable experience and I have never been the same since. Fellow campers pointed out to me my inadequacies such as not knowing how to cook or launder my owm clothes. Plus, I didn't know how to speak Cebuano.  They shared how hard life was, walking to school because they had no money for jeepney, going to school with an empty stomach, wearing uniforms and using books of their older siblings... Some even selling cigarettes in the streets at night just to earn what they could.

I realize that a lot of kindness, good food, engaging company and opportunities to showcase their talents are some of the things that draw children to look forward to the annual summer camp.  This afternoon we were discussing how to divide the accomodation among the agencies. We realized that camping is not supposed to be comfortable, but the experience of sleeping out there with fellow campers, possibly exposed yo heat, rain or insects, becomes teaching grounds for life.  

The lessons we learn from the summer camp show us how to become morally upright and productive citizens of the world: how to treat fellow human beings with kindness, how to share what little you have, how to be brave enough to show who you really are no matter how different you are from everybody else, how to stand up for what you believe in, and how to give the best effort to achieve you goals.