#HAWMC Day 9: Challenger
Overcoming a daunting challenge
If I had to choose among all the things I’ve gone through
which I would never want to go through ever again, it would be first year
residency training.
1.
- Blind obedience. We were expected to behave like foot soldiers, nay slaves! You are lower than the scum of the earth. You are expected to follow orders with complaint and without question. The words “wala po” (there is none) and “hindi po” (no) were erased from our vocabulary and replaced by “gagawan ko po ng paraan” (I will make a way) and “yes mam”. If your senior issued you an order, follow it first before you ask questions.
- Physical exhaustion. In my eyes, first year residents must be super humans to survive extreme physical trials: functioning several days without sleep; learning to eat whatever food bites you can get your hands on in secret hiding places like even the toilet; walking around the hospital like zombies running on autopilot; being dead to the world enough not to feel it when robo-rat nibbles on your chocolate-smeared finger; learning to beg for blood at the blood bank for your patient utilizing all your God-given drama talents, or worse donating your own blood even if you’re post-duty just so your senior would agree to send you home…
- Emotional abuse. Always being absent in family gatherings and having to endure the many sermons and public humiliations because you have not been able to perform to expectations. I never got to see my mom and brothers, been out of circulation from my social life. I would cry almost everyday because of the oppression. You don’t eat so you lose weight. You lose weight drastically, so much so that your parents wonder if you have tuberculosis or uncontrolled diabetes mellitus. Suddenly, you need to buy a belt to keep your pants up and you hurry by Pedro Gil to choose from the wares of the street vendors because you never catch Robinson’s department store open. You suddenly get whiter from lack of exposure from the sun – you leave the house before the sun rises and drag yourself home long after the sun has set. Several times you wish you could quit, but realize that your batchmates would have it so much more difficult if you leave.
- Heirarchy of Needs. As a first year resident, you are bottom rung. Even if the second years are only one year ahead of you in training, you are still inferior to them hence you need to follow what they say. The second years answer to the third years and the third years answer to the fourth years and the most senior answer to the chief resident and the consultants. The buck stops with you though. If there is anyone to blame, blame the first year. You are taught to just bow down your head and accept.
- Forced donation. When your patient does not have money and she needs a mechanical ventilator to breathe, automatically your batchmate collects your atm cards to withdraw money for the downpayment. Thankful that you have salary, because a big chunk of it pays for whatever the patient needs to stay alive. You swallow your pride and call home to ask mommy to send money.
But thankfully, first year residency is only one year long. After this, there will be new residents to
traumatize and to bully. With less
physical exertion, you start to gain back all the weight you lost and add a
couple more pounds for good measure… You
realize that graduation from residency is all the more meaningful because of
all the difficult experiences you had to go through, and that friendships with
your batchmates run deep because you’ve been through thick and thin…When you’re going through tough times, remember this:
- Keep your head above the water and remember to keep breathing.
- Know you self-worth. Nothing anybody can do to you will decrease your worth one bit.
- Draw strength from people who care for you the most.
- Be humble to accept the blame when you make mistakes, so that you learn from them.
- This too shall pass. There’s a rainbow always after the storm.
Helen Madamba, first year residency survivor.
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